your face

Posted: January 18, 2009 in life, people, religion/relationship
Tags: , , ,

i’ve been sitting here trying to work out what to write… how to explain my feelings to the few of you who read this… but they are a big jumble at the moment, so i’m afraid this will make only a little sense… 

yesterday evening i got baptised. it was the most scary, exhilirating, emotional, exciting, nerve-wracking thing i have done in a long time. and i’m glad i did it… so incredibly glad, but i can’t quite believe it happened… 

today’s been a mixture of feelings, glad to be at church and seeing folk, inexplicable moments of lowness, but mostly just contentness at where i am right now. 

a lot of what i said yesterday evening i wasn’t planning to say.. i had no real plan, just a whispered prayer that jesus would give me the right words… and apparently they were about my friends. one in particular who i haven’t seen properly in over a year, who, when i was 18 and had been struggling a lot with what being a christian actually meant, gave me a bible. even though she’s not a christian. along with some other stuff about my life. 

i’m not sure why that was the story that stuck out, there have been a lot and if you’ve read this blog for long enough (or care enough to read all the archives – the very early stuff is pretty awful…) you’ll have picked up a lot of my story. somehow theres a lot of it that i find really hard to vocalise. a lot of it is complicated and hard to explain, doesn’t really make sense to people outside the story and then there are bits that i just feel a need to keep. most of them are good, things that i need to remember, lessons that i learnt from that point in my journey. a few are things that i have learned from but that were hard lessons for me. lessons that broke me in different ways, that made me realise that i don’t have any strength on my own. and though if i told you all these stories, they probably wouldn’t mean that much to you, but they mean all the world to me. and they are the reason i am who i am. 

all that just to say that yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotions… sad person that i am, i was still making a christmas present half an hour before i left for the church.. but i like to keep myself busy… and it was distracting enough that i wasn’t too worried and the excitement got more chance to take hold… though once we got there… butterflies galore. 

really, i just wanted to say thanks. thanks for being there. for your prayers. for being my friends, past present and future. you all have had a hand in how i’ve turned out, and you’re helping shape my future. in more ways than you (or i, sometimes) know. so thanks. 

 

just because i feel like i’m on a roll now, i wanted to tell you about about something i made when i was thinking (meditating?) about my upcoming-now-past baptism. i like making art, though i sometimes start something and then lose focus or inspiration. 

thart happened about a year ago. so i’ve been sitting with this canvas with a half started work on it. i ended up using that as the starting point for the fire image i created about baptism. 

it’s literally been reborn. the old has been created anew, the fire is burning out all the chaff, there is a cleansing and an obedience aspect to the image thats really important to me. as you might guess, being as it was inspired by baptism. new birth. fresh starts. 

INSIDE set

just thought i’d leave you with a wee image of the INSIDE set. Jimbo took the photo.. :)

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