one single static frame

Posted: May 15, 2012 in life, people
Tags: , , , ,

this week has been a week. 

lots of things going on, most to the backdrop of rain. spitting, drizzling, torrential, misty, gushes… all kinds of rain. 

which, i think is appropriate. 

in three years of being here, today was the first time i was ever on a military base. today was the first time i saw one of my kids come close to really giving up on himself and believing the shit that this city tries to tell him. 

i have a kid that i’ve been working with for most of the three years i’ve been here. i spent a year picking him up (along with my director) and taking him to school.mornings would be the worst, some days i’d literally drag him out of bed, fighting every step of the way to get him to go to school. eventually he gave up completely, couldn’t get himself motivated. he was recommended to a program run by the national guard, which would help him get his high school diploma, and teach him as many life skills as they could, teach him some discipline, teach him to value what he has. 

yesterday, he stole a bike and went AWOL. he got 4 1/2 hours away from base before they picked him back up. today we got a call that he was going to be discharged. so i drove an hour up and back to get him. 

on the way home, after i asked him what he wanted, and he told me that he wanted to get his GED, get a job and go to the art school in philadelphia to learn to be a musician, and after i told him that he needs to learn not to quit everything as it gets hard, he asked if i was happy. 

there’s no way i was happy today. he knows how much i care, and that i give him a hard time because i care, but there is no way in hell that that makes me happy- having another chance to upbraid him about something? no. i would have been overjoyed, come july 4th leave, to bring him home for a visit, to drive up and down again. i would have been delighted. but this- no. please, give me anything but this. 

i dream, and i pray, for a time when the school system in camden doesn’t let its students fail. 

i dream of a day when i see this kid graduate from high school. when i see him begin to run his own life. 

i’m scared of what comes next. of where he might end up. i want so much good for him. 

 

the rain was a good backdrop to all of that. plus the fact that a dear friend didn’t get the job he was hoping for (and i was hoping for him). 

the mountain goats were a perfect  band for all of this. Autoclave is my current go to song. 

 

sigh. 

this will get better. 

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Comments
  1. Lizzie says:

    thank you for your honesty friend. rest in Him.

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