Posts Tagged ‘life’

…i can be your long lost pal

Posted: February 20, 2014 in life
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it’s been a slow, rainy, get things done sort of day.

and wile admittedly, i haven’t got that many things done.. i have done what felt necessary for the day.

i signed up for the daily IF:Equip emails, which have been a good reminder to stop and take 15 minutes to see what’s going on in the book of john. i’m a day or two behind the current day, so there’s usually a good amount of discussion already in the comments section. it’s been nice to be reading something, jornalling a few thoughts and then listening to tthe insights and comments of a whole community of women. it’s been valuable i think, because i have been recognising that i need to carve out more time to actually start listening to what God might have for me in this time and space. and it’s really scary to me to face those ideas. i know that this is a new chapter. i didn’t really want the last one to end though.

i’ve also been going through some of the million pictures from the last five years or so, trying to work out how to commemorate some of life. there are so many ways to create permanent/semi permanent reminders.

and i’m beginning to see life blossom. even in the midst of the rain.

plus, there’s listening to paul simon.



Posted: January 22, 2014 in everything else

I realised that I feel like I need to have something worth saying in order to post it here. so you all don’t really get that much of a look into life. sorry…

maybe I’ll get better at this blog, time will tell, I guess.

make me wish i was someone else

Posted: December 26, 2013 in life
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i’m listening to the weepies radio on pandora, as i do from time to time- most especially often in the darker months, it seems.

i’m trying hard to gather thoughts and stories and start forming them into a coherent whole- i’m the storyteller at my church meeting in two weeks time.

i’m breathing deeply, trying to appreciate all the moments for the beauty and weight that they have, without being upset that they will soon be over, and new ones will take their place.

i find myself walking and driving familiar paths and having to catch my breath because of the familiarity- that soon will be a memory.

i’m struggling here with the way to tell these stories. i spent a god amount of time today looking at pictures from the past year, organising some of them, andremembering the stories attached to them.

i feel like people hold the key to this story telling: who are the people who have had the most impact on me, and who are the people on whom i have had an impact- what story can i tell out of that? what did i give, what did i receive?

i hate (and love, but mostly hate) talking about myself- oh, i did this great thing, or that great thing. but it’s a story that should be told, right? i think. i think there’s value in this. how to talk about humility- how to talk about your job, your life, without sounding like a braggart, a know-it-all,i do this so much better than you.

every paragraph (until this one) began with ‘i’. ha! that’s funny.

in case you’re interested, all the pictures are on my google+ account, here


Posted: April 18, 2013 in life
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it seems like this is becoming a theme in my life:

discernment in the darkness. pulling out the things that are not helpful, and working to bring them into the light. seeing into the spiritual.

maybe owls are my spirit animal.

it’s been really interesting around here the last little while. i’m still processing a lot of it, so i’m sure more will come out in time.

just checkin’ in. :)


Posted: April 14, 2013 in life
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so, i got this app on my phone. it lets you put words on pictures. i thought i’d share a few that i made. it’s kinda fun. and reminded me of when mum had me do a bunch of these for posters for camp.




both of which are from when we were on spring break.

anyway. maybe i’ll actually get around to doing some work on gathering the pictures I’ve been taking every day, and put up some links to those. and maybe even get around to an update about life. don’t get too excited, i make no promises. :)

empty your hands

Posted: January 13, 2013 in life
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this year is going to be interesting. all of the things that i’m challenging myself to do are pretty simple. don’t really require too much more of me than what i regularly do. i don’t eat that much meat (my family might disagree, but they caught me at the end of the year, and meat is expensive, so if someone else is paying for dinner.. heck yes, i’ll have ribs. ;) but normally?) and so apart from figuring out how to do that in community…

a short aside. because i live with boys (and very particular boys. midwest.), i’m ready to have a lot of extra grace for myself and them in regards to this whole no meat for a year deal. like this morning, we had a potato and sausage hash for breakfast. so i ate around the sausage and gave it away at the end. i’m not ready to damage my community for the sake of something that i’m personally challenging myself to do. they already have to make things gluten-free for me.

so, yes. mindfulness. that’s the name of the game here. i’m remembering to get out my phone (for now. i will get my camera fixed. i promise.) every day and take a shot of something that interests me. something that is intriguing, or whimsical, or just life. so we run the gamut from my kids feet, to the salad i ate after i cleaned my office, to the ingredients list on the goldfish i gave my kids for snack.

i’m also remembering the consumerism will consume me if i let it. i do not need new clothes, or nail polish, or glasses shaped cookie cutters (but Kristin decided that actually i did and so she bought them for me. mostly because i let her borrow clancy a lot.) what i need, rather, is people. companionship, conversation, silliness and lots of tea. i’m still just a little bit sick, and although this week was really good, it was also exhausting. but there were a lot of people in it. i got to see friends old and new friday night and saturday. today i might be peopled out, but it’s a good feeling. i also got to listen to a lot of the weepies. this is an excellent thing.

so, here’s the link to the images from this project.

questions, comments, thoughts?

more grist for the malady mill.

Posted: June 2, 2012 in Uncategorized

well. we made it through a whole week of special days. and then a week of cleaning and planning and leaving, and now… i have four half days of facilities, and i’m done.

I actually finished out the year, and it was a good year. It was a really good year.
probably one of the toughest years of my life to date, definitely one of the most challenging, one where I grew the most. i think i’m slowly becoming more and more the person  that i can be, i’m slowly living up to, and living out of, my potential. i’m engaging in more of the tough questions, willing to have the conversations, even when I’m not sure I have any answers. it’s a really exciting  time. scary as all crap though.


i’m so grateful for this year, for the lessons i’ve learned, the people who have been willing to teach me them, and for the relationships we’ve built. my interns may not always have been what i wanted, but go the most part, they provided what i needed, what we needed in order to make this year work. I have a lot of things to change up. It will not be the same as before, we will grow.

the kids too, the fact that they were, and still are, willing to trust me in any capacity means more than I can adequately express.

we were at the fourth annual boat launch this morning, which was really exciting, and i was hanging out with my kids and some friends. ireyon feel asleep on my lap, (she’s in 8th grade.) and jordan turned to me and said “you can’t leave. what will you do without your kids? no, wait, what will your kids do without you- that’s the better question.” and while that makes me reluctant to ever want to leave, i know that i am not irreplaceable, that someone else will come along and do as good, if not better, a job as i have these past months and years. but it’s good to know that i have a place here at least for a while longer.

i was hanging out with a friend, and as I left to walk to the train, i stopped to get a coffee. it was crowded, and so when I was asked for my name, suzi, he asked how to spell it too: ‘ess you..?’ ‘zed eye.’ apparently, i kept my pronunciation just to give myself away. short, but sweet interactions. the guy at the cash register took my money and asked ‘is that yahweh?’ about the four letters I have tattooed on my wrist. when i said yes, he asked ‘why?’ ‘uh, because i believe in God and i think this is one of his best names’ ‘but why not in Hebrew?’ ‘… i don’t know the Hebrew.’ i was stumped for a moment, and would have loved to continue the conversations, but the shop was busy and i had a train to catch.

but i won’t hesitate

Posted: June 24, 2010 in life
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well, it’s been a really eventful week… the biggest factor of that being that the interns all arrived yesterday- wednesday- and today was the first full day of training…

but before all that, there was tuesday.

most of urban cleared out of the office to man the Golf Tournament, one of the biggest fundraisers of the year, but Pam and i were in the office. i did a lot of supply runs and a lot of organising. it was a good day, productive.

i had two tasks for the evening, first to take Katie to the airport and then to pick up James later at night. on the way home from dropping off Katie, the Astro started seriously overheating. i was praying i could make it to a gas station to buy coolant or whatever, but it was not to be. i broke down just off the 130. BUMMER! molly and heather came to rescue me just as the first person to offer help stopped. once molly and heather arrived, a cop pulled over to see if i was ok, and then once we sorted out a note for the van and a t-shirt in the window (luckily, i was equipped wearing layers!) he sped us back home to urban (flashers and siren for a moment and everything- we almost missed our turn) where we tried to set about working out how to rescue the van and also go into Philly to celebrate Heather’s ‘golden birthday’ (same age as date, so 22 on the 22nd!). it was crazy- Josh and Garrett were dispatched to get oil and coolant (the engine was completely dry of oil… wonder why i broke down?!) and we had to meet them there to give them the key… right before we left, two cops called me to see if i had abandoned my vehicle on the side of the road- eeeshk. so we hustled back, got the van sorted, Garrett took it to get fixed and we took overselves over the Walt Whitman bridge to see if we could find something celebratory to do in Philly for the birthday girl…

soon enough it was time to head to the airport again to get James, luckily there were no breakdowns this time, and we all got home safe. if a little tired.

wednesday was a stupidly long day, beginning around 5.30/6.15 when i got a phone call about keys or something and so headed over to urban in order to let people in, and then head downtown to pick up Lane… and there commenced the craziness… 3 walmart trips, one Philly bus station trip, one Target run, waaay to many new faces for me to process, some hibernation in Pam’s office with easy menial tasks, and then, finally, one really ridiculously late airport run to pick up my roomies twin sister… who is like her, but not.

and then, today, an early start, lots of training stuff, some awesome games-Price is Aight and Minute to Win It- some Wacky Tour stuff, a crazy dinner, some bonding, and finally, a pretty awesome back rub. so ready for bed now…. :)

dumb dumb dumb

Posted: February 16, 2010 in everything else

it’s shrove tuesday today, and so, i made some pancakes. but, because i don’t really get the whole thin crepe style fascination that britain has, and because i may be slightly missing the americans, i made buttermilk pancakes. pretty good actually.

and so, tomorrow is ash wednesday. the start of lent.

i’ve been waking up each morning thie past week or so, thinking, oh, maybe today’ll be the day, maybe the letter that says i can come back to america will arrive in the post today, maybe i’ll get the email. and yet, i need to remember that God doesn’t work on my timescale or to my whims. so, i’ve been listening to some sermons on podcast, mostly from mars hill (recommendations are always appreciated) and letting loose my slightly more creative side. ha.


so, what have i been doing with myself this week? i’m sure you’re all dying to know…

well, since hearing nothing so far from the people at the US customs and immigration service, i have had to find other things to keep me occupied. luckily, this week was the week of art for mercy, an annual edinburgh cu extravaganza. since edinburgh has, it seems, a disproportionate amount of artistically talented (christian, mostly, i assume, since it’s a christian run event, but i could be wrong) students in it’s academic institutions, they hold an annual auction of pieces by those talented people. mum went last year and took some cakes, so this year, we upped the ante a little and, alongside the carrot cakes, we took some boxes of homemade and decorated cupcakes.

of which, i, of course, took pictures. not great, because it was early evening and there was barely any light, but hey ho.

so there are the cakes.

we headed out yesterday afternoon to see a friend, and along the way my mind wandered along the following paths: first impressions, and how wrong/right/interesting they can be- especially other peoples first impressions of you. eh, actually, i can’t remember what else i was thinking about. BUT, i have read a few interesting books this past week or two, Madame Bovary being the first, and The Accidental being the second. one quote that i particularly enjoyed from the accidental runs thus;

Journey by Moonlight. Antal Szerb. Never heard of him. Translated from the Hungarian. 1930s. Michael liked things in translation. This looked like a book he could read. (Ali Smith, The Accidental)

and then, today, because Dad asked for it, i made curry. and because Mum asked for it, i (sort-of) wrote down the recipe.

therefore, in a departure from the normal tone of this blog, if you so wish, you can, after the break, find out how to make green lentil daal.